Andrew loves music and dancing. Yesterday we turned the full size mirror in our room on its side so he could watch his feet dancing in more space. Today he and I were dancing together and it just became this wonderful moment for a number of reasons.

Let me back up to fully describe. Lately I've been feeling very "depressed." I've always struggled with fears and anxiety, but its like all-consuming lately. Probably because my prayer request at Bible study last week was to be fully in love with God, and Satan will do anything to keep us from that right? Well, I've been feeling like such a bad mommy and a bad wifey and just completely unable to do anything right, from dinner to protecting my kids from getting hurt.

So, today Andrew and I start dancing to this song I've fallen in love with - Dancing Generation by Matt Redman. And it just consumed me. God's forgiveness and pleasure in me - and I just enjoyed this beautiful moment of dancing/worshipping with one of God's greatest gifts to me - Andrew. I just smiled and then I started crying with the joy of it!

Then, Andrew got sort of scared b/c Mommy was crying but I explained that I was so happy b/c God loves me and he said "God loves me" and then we kept dancing. It was great.

I think that's where we are. Andrew hasn't woken up and knocked in the middle of the night again. We turned up the sound machines in their rooms louder. And Corinne is, I hope, well on her way to sleeping through most of the night. Whew!

Thank you so much for your comments on my mother guilt! You guys were so kind to me! Hopefully now I can get some sleep at night and feel normal myself!

Corinne did not go to sleep until 11 pm last night. Then she proceeded to wake up every two hours. This means I woke up every two hours, went in to nurse her b/c its the quickest way to get her back to sleep, and then did the whole dang thing over again two hours later.

I know, I know... many of you are probably thinking "bad mommying Erin! You're giving her what she wants by going in to her instead of letting her cry it out!" Well, I do agree with you. But the flip side to this argument is that there's another child in the house. Letting Corinne cry it out is not only disturbing to me, but to Andrew as well.

Now, on any other night, I would not have gone to her as many times. Yes, I would have made her cry it out. However, the night before last Andrew woke up at 2:00 am and started knocking on his door like it was the morning. You see, we still have the doorknob thingy on his door so that when he wakes up he can't just come out of his room. Well, he didn't go back to sleep. He just stayed awake, flipped on the light in his room, and kept randomly knocking. At 3:00, not wanting him to wake up Corinne, I went to his door and whispered into the crack "Andrew, its not time to get up. Go back to your bed." Well he started crying and saying "Mommy I need to see you." So, the short of it is: after a little time in our room with no success going back to sleep, I put him back in his bed, did the bedtime routine again, and he went back to sleep.

Where did it all go wrong??? Why are they having so much trouble sleeping? And how is it that Clark is oblivious?

Oh, the insanity!

Six months

Our sweet pea is six months old (technically six and half)! Wow, how time flies when you're having fun!


Clark and I have been looking back at video we've taken of the kids since Corinne was born, and Andrew has changed so much! I know I've been blogging and talking about it, but it was strange to see it on tape. Although he is two, we are constantly enamored with him and his personality.

I've also been very convicted lately about how my relationship with Jesus (or lack thereof) will affect Andrew. Clark and I want him to be passionate about the Lord and worshipping him, but have I been showing him that??? The other night as we were leaving a friends house, he saw airplane lights in the sky and kept saying he was afraid of it. I was trying to explain the scripture "For God did not give us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power and love" but ended up just telling him to tell God "I'm scared. Please help me trust you" It was neat to see him change from being scared to thanking God for the airplane and nighttime. This is where I realized, as I have been so often lately, that I let my fears consume me most of the time. I should take a lesson from Andrew and learn to be thankful instead of frightened!

Andrew taking a bubble bath for the first time.

Flying a kite with Grammy.

Jumping into the pool!

Tonight we went to Sonic to get dinner. The whole family likes to drink Cherry Limeades. We ordered Andrew one and I was telling him how good it is. This was the conversation in the car:

E: "It's gonna be good. It has cherries. And limes."

C (thinking he's being witty, not realizing what he's saying): "And ades."

Can you get AIDS from a Sonic drink?


A: "WHAT?!"

(Huge eruption of laughter)

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